I'll ask a field of sunflowers to watch this space,
in case you cross from east to west, or north
to south, because it is their way to follow
shining objects in the sky, turning their golden
heads on supple necks like children in a choir,
who watch the maestro's hands, half-mesmerised.
But how do sunflowers comport themselves
when it is night? They droop their heavy heads
disconsolately, as if tired; though secretly,
they're simply sad without their source of light.
Sunflowers
© Copyright: Jena Woodhouse, 2003
Свидетельство о публикации №103022801108
Свидетельство о публикации №103022801108
Рецензии
Dear Jena, I love your English poetry, though I am afraid I cannot appreciate it to the full.
I have little experience in poetical translation, and still I dare to give my own Russian version of your “Sunflowers”. The one by Gennadi K is very interesting and stylish, but I can’t find in it some things that I feel in your lines. To my mind, the Ukrainian variant is much more accurate and profound. Sorry if I am wrong, I would be glad to receive your most strict critical comments. I take liberty to interpret some words more generally, trying to express all the meaning I find in your words.
Я попрошу подсолнечников поле
Смотреть, на случай , если ты пройдешь –
Ведь им так просто – хором золотым
Голов на тонких детских шеях – вторить
Завороженно жесту в небесах
Сияющей руки маэстро-Солнца.
Но как согреться им, когда темно?
Их лица тяжелеют, словно нет
И быть не может больше облегченья.
Им попросту необходим рассвет.
Sincerely,
Василий Шанхайский 15.07.2006 19:27 • Заявить о нарушении
I have little experience in poetical translation, and still I dare to give my own Russian version of your “Sunflowers”. The one by Gennadi K is very interesting and stylish, but I can’t find in it some things that I feel in your lines. To my mind, the Ukrainian variant is much more accurate and profound. Sorry if I am wrong, I would be glad to receive your most strict critical comments. I take liberty to interpret some words more generally, trying to express all the meaning I find in your words.
Я попрошу подсолнечников поле
Смотреть, на случай , если ты пройдешь –
Ведь им так просто – хором золотым
Голов на тонких детских шеях – вторить
Завороженно жесту в небесах
Сияющей руки маэстро-Солнца.
Но как согреться им, когда темно?
Их лица тяжелеют, словно нет
И быть не может больше облегченья.
Им попросту необходим рассвет.
Sincerely,
Василий Шанхайский 15.07.2006 19:27 • Заявить о нарушении
Dear Vasilii,
Yours is a beautiful and true translation, which captures the tone and all the nuances of the original. Thank you! I am moved by its veracity, and grateful for the care and skill you have devoted to it.
I am indebted to every poet who has done my poems the honour of translationg them. Each interpreter of a text brings unique insights and talents to the task of translation, and each gives something of himself or herself, of his or her unique poetic sensibilities, to the resulting translation/transubstantiation.
I beg Valentin's pardon for not including his wonderful translation in the list submitted yesterday. [Соняхи - перевод Валентина Лученко: http://www.stihi.ru/2003/06/20-831]. I was under the impression, from an announcement he made quite some time ago, that he had closed his page on Stihi.ru, and I am very glad to see that this is not the case.
As to my attempts to write in Russian, I know that I can never hope to have the sense of the language, and the sensitivity to it, that one needs in order to successfully write poetry in Russian, and so every attempt to do so is a painful struggle with my own inadequacies, a compromise between the vision and ability to articulate that vision, just as it is in English, with the added impairment that I feel as if I'm a blind person, groping for the words. And yet some poems ask to be written in a language that is not native to me, I don't know why.
Thank you again for your beautiful translation of "Sunflowers". I shall treasure it always.
Warmest wishes,
Jena Woodhouse 16.07.2006 04:22 Заявить о нарушении
Yours is a beautiful and true translation, which captures the tone and all the nuances of the original. Thank you! I am moved by its veracity, and grateful for the care and skill you have devoted to it.
I am indebted to every poet who has done my poems the honour of translationg them. Each interpreter of a text brings unique insights and talents to the task of translation, and each gives something of himself or herself, of his or her unique poetic sensibilities, to the resulting translation/transubstantiation.
I beg Valentin's pardon for not including his wonderful translation in the list submitted yesterday. [Соняхи - перевод Валентина Лученко: http://www.stihi.ru/2003/06/20-831]. I was under the impression, from an announcement he made quite some time ago, that he had closed his page on Stihi.ru, and I am very glad to see that this is not the case.
As to my attempts to write in Russian, I know that I can never hope to have the sense of the language, and the sensitivity to it, that one needs in order to successfully write poetry in Russian, and so every attempt to do so is a painful struggle with my own inadequacies, a compromise between the vision and ability to articulate that vision, just as it is in English, with the added impairment that I feel as if I'm a blind person, groping for the words. And yet some poems ask to be written in a language that is not native to me, I don't know why.
Thank you again for your beautiful translation of "Sunflowers". I shall treasure it always.
Warmest wishes,
Jena Woodhouse 16.07.2006 04:22 Заявить о нарушении
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