I fly up high
But I am not a spy
Although I see and cry
Through my troubled eye
Within the cloudy cover
I am flying over
Your distant foreign land
Watching seas or desert sand
I am a plane you see
It is now plain for me
Gazing at this troubled earth
To wonder what it is really worth
Armies fighting for another oil
\Black gold runs from the desert soil\
Sometimes i wonder if the Presidents could
Cover this oil with crimson blood
I want to fly forever
But it wasn,t really planned
I,m so scared and now i never
Really want to land
Plane to see by D. Green and Mickelson
© Copyright: Антонина Тесленко, 2002
Свидетельство о публикации №102121000487
Свидетельство о публикации №102121000487
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Dear D.Green and Michelson.
Get off this plane. You are not up to the task of writing a reasonably rhymed poem in English. It looks very childish. "I am a plane, you see". Besides, the introduction of "you see" to rhyme with "for me" was loughed at even in the 19th century. And your other choice of rhymes:
сover - over (читается ведь "кава - оувэ", а не "коувэ - оувэ")
could - blood ("куд блад", а не "кад - блад" и не "куд блуд")
Nevetherless, you content could be OK if not for the last two lines of a "chicken cry" - "I am so scared and now I never really want to land".
А.Котельников 11.12.2002 02:08 • Заявить о нарушении
Get off this plane. You are not up to the task of writing a reasonably rhymed poem in English. It looks very childish. "I am a plane, you see". Besides, the introduction of "you see" to rhyme with "for me" was loughed at even in the 19th century. And your other choice of rhymes:
сover - over (читается ведь "кава - оувэ", а не "коувэ - оувэ")
could - blood ("куд блад", а не "кад - блад" и не "куд блуд")
Nevetherless, you content could be OK if not for the last two lines of a "chicken cry" - "I am so scared and now I never really want to land".
А.Котельников 11.12.2002 02:08 • Заявить о нарушении
thank you for your description of my mistakes , but sometimes it is even very funny to read all this because it seems to me sometimes that russians do know inglish better than real inglishmen . D.Green is an inglishman . who lives in ingland all his life and never was in russia.
though i can agree with some remarks about the rhyme may be but it is all to the author liking..may be i will try to improve something.. it was just an expression of some thoughts.. but may be nOT
thank you so much
Антонина Тесленко 11.12.2002 15:34 Заявить о нарушении
though i can agree with some remarks about the rhyme may be but it is all to the author liking..may be i will try to improve something.. it was just an expression of some thoughts.. but may be nOT
thank you so much
Антонина Тесленко 11.12.2002 15:34 Заявить о нарушении
Judging by the poem, D.Green appears to be a very ordinary rhymester regardless of where he lives. England - not ingland! He is not automatically superior in English to anyone. Some Russians, like Nabokov, set a very fine example of how to write in English (both poetry and fiction) to the best of English speakers.
Regards
А.Котельников 12.12.2002 03:17 Заявить о нарушении
Regards
А.Котельников 12.12.2002 03:17 Заявить о нарушении