Lazy day

Do you wish you could know what your name was?
In the life that was given before
Do you ever desire to find
What was meant to be hidden for more
than a century..two..even thirty
I can count (they taught me quite well -
An unassiduous labor is dirty
And the indolence leads you to hell)

As I rumble through past, I am daunted
I am haunted perhaps, but with what?
Convoluted existence is naughty
Superfluous existence is hot!

I am rambling..searching for phrases
Words are bending in triples and halves
As i try reminiscing through phases
Of my childhood ladder of loves

Mom was first. Then my dad..Maybe sister
Then I had a best friend every day
Then like all I received my first mister
Who was better then all (if I may)

Then another best friend, Then two more
Then a friend from my class and a teacher
Then a neighboor upstairs (next door ?)
and a dog, and a cat on the bleachers.

Time runs, days go by, how cliche!
I am wondering, spinning and turning
And my cat..it is far...if it is..
As for mister..We all needed learning...

How it works..and what where..and how?
Does it hurt? Just a little.  Not here..
Mom is home..She is leaving. Right now...
You are right..Unbelievably right..ohh..my dear...

Doors are closed. No way back. Lost the number
He is old.  I am not.  Am i through?
As I try to fight qualms and the thunder
Of my past quiets down...I brew..

Cup of tea..for my new special someone
Cup of soup if he wants..And I sit
At the table forgetting the loved ones
And the numbers with which they compete.