To my Mom размышления на тему на английском

TO MY MOM…


Why people are almost always so tough, impolite and even sometimes rude to each other?  Is it so difficult to be not only human being, but well-bred? It could ease the process of communication in this world. Why we should hide our emotions? The only reason is that other people can say or think something bad or get wrong information and after that terrible gossips appear.
Sometime it is enough for one to make a small mistake to be  hold up to shame. For example, why is it so terrible if a girl comes to another country and just as everything is so new for her, she tries to get every definite thing into her mind, and probably the only mistake of hers is that she accept people thinking about them from the very beginning as good ones. And how terrible and hurtful it is when she finds out that all her actions were interpreted in the wrong way and instead of being accepted as she is, as she thinks she should behave, people think about her as a devil incarnate. Why do people make everything so complicated in their life? What is the reason for this?
All people are born equal. But later on everybody starts to understand that if he or she wants to survive in this world, they should hide their real feelings, mostly play as it is a theatre, and if anybody shows his weakness, all the rest will tear him or her into pieces. Not because the mistake was a terrible one, sometimes they do it just for fun. It looks like a horror theater, like Roman gladiatorial arena, you should be strong enough to escape from all these people - furious, looking for blood and shame of a victim, ready to pronounce an anathema…
Well, I started from such simple things as just impoliteness and now it is time to speak about death, I mean moral death of anybody. Why such terrible things come into my mind? I don’t want to say that in my twenties I have already tasted all the terrific sides of this life, and passed all the Calvary. With every event in my life I understand better and better that my dear mother brought me up in a wrong way. Black humour. I am grateful to her for everything that she has done for me, I will always remember warmth and care of her hands, love shining in her eyes, and her desire to make me a real personality, but first of all an understanding person, able to accept a person with all his merits and demerits. But the older I become, the clearer I understand that it is a wrong way of living, if you don’t want people to tread you down or to crucify for your understanding and tolerance. I don’t want to say that we should be the same in our desire to survive and reach this goal by all known ways. If we do this, very soon our society of “Homo Sapiens” that we are all very proud of – thinking that we are the only creatures that have the right to live and be the leaders in this world – will become worse than even the most dangerous and horrifying troop of wolves. Well, I think here I am mistaken – sometimes even wolves behave more humane (if it can be said about animals) towards to their brothers. Why are we so sure that we have rights to kill people and care about  animals that hardly can care about us? Sometimes it seems to me that probably humanity should forget about its stupid desire to be the main force in nature and start thinking about themselves as just a part of nature, - note – a part of nature but not the creator and main force of it. Mostly we forgot about our place in nature, and even sometimes watching TV and learning about some terrific news – wars, murders, crashes – I start thinking that people forgot about their Mother and think of themselves as Nature creators. We have done nothing for nature, we only abuse its kindness, we forget that Nature let us living, giving us all the necessary. Yes, that are not we, who take something from Nature, that is it, who gives us what we need. But really with time people became ruder and ruder, more cruel, more blood-thirsty.
There are so many interrogative words in human’s speech, but I think only about one of them: WHY. Why do we live like this? Why do we have such a short memory? Why don’t we want to change anything? Why does Nature still allow her kids to behave toward her like this? I don’t believe that we – ok, not all of us but some people – lost all our mind, decency and became animals (though I have already told that animals are sometime are more humane than we are.) I don’t want to think that now we will have to survive, not to live, we will have to hide the genuine sense of our souls not to be hurt, … And again – why will we have to do like this while we just simply should try to change our mind? I said simply, though I understand quite well that it is not so easy. Generation by generation people have been “killing” themselves, their immortal pure souls and for sure it will be difficult to change everything in a short period of time. But here will appear another question – will they want to start changing anything? We got used to such life and as we all know – it is always difficult to get rid of bad habits and even more difficult to cultivate good ones in somebody. So why do they need to change anything?
Ok, that was not an appeal to start any changing tomorrow. It is an utopia. Moreover, some people can say that everything is good in their lives (that is really so, as they are mostly satisfied with all that they have and they prefer to live life, carpe diem. Why should they worry about tomorrow as today is not over yet?) Probably these people are right but partially. I have no right to maintain on any definite statement, as I am one of this crowd. I have just started asking myself if I do everything correctly. Though I know myself that I have already spoiled my soul. Mom, forgive me, you will never understand me. You say to me many times that you wanted me to be a tender, understanding, tolerant girl, and you started noticing that time by time I become tough, too pragmatic, calculating, rude, sometimes too straight, sometimes even cruel. Thank God, at least I understand it myself. But even with this understanding I feel that I will become similar to all other people around me – please, understand me – I really want to change even a small particle of this wonderful world I live in, but I myself is just a grain of sand, and I also want to survive. Selfish? Egoistic? Yes. But at the same time, I am still thinking about any possibility to do something good. You sacrificed yourself to make me the person that I am now. I can say that you have not made any mistake, you gave me all the best that you have, and really it is a precious gift and I even can say that not every mother can do what you have done for me. And it was you who made me think and feel like I feel and think now. But understanding all the infertility of my ideas now I will do the only thing that I am able to do for future – I will do my best to bring up children that will be worthy of the future I dream about and I will try to give them all the wisdom that will help them or probably their kids to realize it. You see, Mom, I am smart enough to understand that it is not my mission. :) I love you so much, mamma,…