kby? vtyz ge, kbre. n pf, euhjv
Ominous pause
by Andrew Ganyushkin
Did you ask for funny stories from my life ?
Not invented ?
It's easy.
Yes !
VI DU HEV EM.
Das ist... as there...
es ist uns wie ein Finger in den Himmel
es como hacer un sonido natural.
So, don't pretend to look like a linguist, secretly
poking a finger at Yandex-translator.
So.
St. Leningrad.
The eighties of the last century.
The story of my classmate, Dimitri E-TS.
English special school, exams.
Dima's father was a military man, a senior teacher at the school.
And his son was...so... with a slight military bias.
The guy loved everything, even a little "military".
Old, new.
For the sake of which even went to dig up "echoes of war" on Sinyavino swamps,
every damn Soviet - Evil Imperial weekend .
Even a shirt in school were purely military green.
Toady-the Blackbird, still the same.
And after all ...he was a nasty little fellow.
For which he was repeatedly hung by the collar on a nail in the ri...
...riachii, by the main bully of our class , mr. Andrei Ponomarev.
Andrey was expelled from school, after the eighth.
Eh...
What a fighter.
What he just did not get up !
Hung up regularly this lad on a carnation in a wall.
Put on the tap with drinking water, such then were in ...ri...ri
...in short, in every school corridor.
Yeah, maybe it wasn't humane.
But there was a course for that.
So.
State exam.
Exemplary.
The first issue of the decade, with in-depth study of a number of subjects
in English, and before that - the usual eight-year-old.
All the boys and girls are in full dress.
The red tablecloth, serious Commission from RANO.
Russian literature.
Before this important, almost historical event there was one case ,
when our Dima, with some his, absolute unreal
fright took, and "ran".
And who ?
At the very Irina Ginzburg, our teacher of literature.
And he, a reptile soul, didn't not learned an excerpt from the poem "Lenin" by Vladimir M.
But vigorously so left to answer to a Board, allegedly knows.
I. B. G. - that already blossomed.
Oh, my God !
One, at least one learned !
One of all losers !
All the previous companions were Frank, fnd they say, sorry, not ready.
A quick, honest death, like a banana .
No moral agony.
Because, we all've respected and admired IBG.
IBG was a real luminary in Russian literature.
So fascinating told, so that sometimes - you will be heard.
Even other teachers came to her lessons.
And instead of sitting in the canteen, they resorted
to hear about the work of comrade Dostoevsky,
when they had a free "window".
Very, very cultured lady.
But... who...who can forgive that.
Well, then.
Our Dimon was silent.
Was silent for a few moments, standing at the blackboard.
Very thoughtful.
IBG waited patiently.
Even tried to suggest the beginning of passage.
Suddenly this fruit, with no rhyme or reason took, and "hit" on her. it demeans his human and so far !
Do you know who my dad is?
Everyone was stunned.
After an ominous pause, IBG quietly told him :
"Thanks, Dima. Set. "
We then showed him a blue sky-nebushko in the box-jail ,
while he sadly sailed back to his lonely "Kamchatka".
So.
State-s.
The Commission from RANO.
All and all - in full parade.
Go.
Take the tickets, sit down, get ready to answer.
The presidency of the headmistress, after a while :
"Which one of You guys is ready ? "
Silence.
And then I saw that our Dima is eager, eager to answer, very first.
IBG...how do you say that, huh?..widely round the eyes.
Other members of the Commission - more than benevolently, smile.
The first question of his ticket was : "Chekhov, stories. "
Full PI...pi...pi.
...twas such a bore such a nonsense, such a powerful Blizzard.
That I did not really remember this, undoubtedly, in some way "masterpiece" .
The second question was: "L. I. Brezhnev, "Small Land".
Here comrade quite jammed :
"Great Patriotic, Small Land, dear Leonid Ilyich,
the heroism of the Soviet people, a feat Malo-semeljci..."
The same words, chases, chases.
Already on the fifth circle.
Everyone held their breath.
On the eighth, politely:
"Yes,Yes, Dima, excellent.
Just please give us an example of mass heroism."
Pause.
Theatrical.
A fly is heard.
The - crimson.
Then he turns green.
And issues :
"...One day, twas the birthday of the Fuhrer of the Nazis Adolf Hitler, our
heroic fighters drew a pig-like on several sheets pig-like face of
Leonid Ilyich and hung the whole thing, the Germans on display...
Leonid Ilyich ????
The case, by the way.
Even that Soviet Union is not the present huhry-muhry for you, gentlemen.
The Commission and all of us are just speechless from this...such.
"...The Germans, stunned by the arrogance and meanness,
began to shoot at sheets from all types of weapon.
And violently shot on them, as much as a month's supply of munitions! "
Dima himself in his blooper, of course, does not understand.
And vigorously fuck yourself on.
Again, again twenty-five , on hopelessly a vicious circle.
The second world war , Malaya, Brezhnev, malozemelja, heroism...
None of the teacher it is not slow.
"Faces erased, paint dull."..*
A few minutes later, Dima finally falls silent.
The second, even more ominous pause.
Aunts from RANO - in of shock.
IBG and our principal are in full out.
There - anti-Soviet, "lame" anti-Soviet!
On a model exam, in a decent English school !
And this, for a moment, was the Olympic 80s.
Nobody knows what to do.
Laugh or cry ?
The tension is rising.
More and more.
Then all not weathered...and how they neighed.
No laughing, no giggling.
That's right, " neigh."
So laughed, so laughed !
Slightly glass from the Windows showered !
A little plaster from the ceiling has not collapsed !
Remember when it was just a ballpoint pen is not swallowed.
Ate her at this moment, thoughtfully, for a ticket, then I had
and it is not easy :
"Socialist realism in Soviet literature. "
Something like that.
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